11/4/20- 2am
The election hasn’t even been officially called yet. I have been working on this in my head for the past few weeks, hoping the outcome of our country, (and our world) would be the change that I, and XX million other people in this country believe we need. As the pit in my stomach grew larger and larger as election night went on, I called upon all of the hard work I have been doing for 54 years and especially the past eight months since my life had spiraled into the darkest place I have ever experienced. As anyone who knows me, knows the immense loss, grief, despair, and helplessness I have experienced this year. While I navigated a lot of difficult life transitions and experiences, I am not alone in my pain and suffering. I can’t imagine there is one soul on this earth that hasn’t been adversely impacted by either the pandemic, environmental events, social injustices, economy, or some other event of 2020.
I have been mourning and grieving while working tirelessly on my healing and recovery. I invite anyone and everyone to join me in this whole-hearted journey of repair. I am migrating to a place of acceptance and resilience. While I originally was working through my metta loving kindness and digging deep to find compassion for our politicians, particularly the President, which has been no easy feat to say the least, my list below is really a focus of what I shared above from my own 2020 journey this far. I invite all my family, friends, teachers, learners, clients, inner and outer circles, and future non-strangers from all beliefs trying to do the best they can too. Welcome, and please contribute to our collective healing- anonymously or with presence.
WHAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR…
- The disruption the last 4 years has caused to our country (and world) to expose the underbelly so that we can shine a light on it and begin healing and repairing
- Economic safety, I hope
- Showing me the importance of having clear moral fiber and values
- By observing, and some dangerous comparison, seeing the progress I have made in my own inner work to become more aware and compassionate for myself and society.
- Hopefully motivating everyone, especially the next generation, to rise up and act by breaking complacency, fragility, and privilege
- Pushing my work to a new level of adult development
- Forcing me to embrace acceptance and resilience
- Targeting my energy only towards the things I can control
- Navigating my polarities of control:: flow, challenge::accept, and my tendency to overuse
- Re-directing me to focusing on what matters most
- Specifically to politics, believing my values to be righteous and right, and having been closed-minded to the values of others. Reflecting on Rob Willer’s Ted talk – Moral Reframing: what Liberals value most is fairness & equity, care & protection. Conservatives value most patriotism & loyalty, respect for authority, purity & sanctity.
- Learning how to put in play my years of studying Stoicism and Buddhism, particularly loving kindness and non-attachment.
- The opportunity to take a really hard pause to do the really hard work for the sake of really important growth.
- Gaining the clarity and finding strength to set personal boundaries and asking others to either honor mine or join me, and I will do the same for them… and compassionate permission to call ourselves or each other out.
- The opportunity to practice what I preach and be the evolutionizing leader I support my clients in becoming, and to become the change I want to see in the world, to quote a leader who brought much needed change in a universally respectful, collaborative way- Gandhi.
- To that end, highlighting the leaders and people in my life and in history that I choose to follow, learn from, connect with, give my energy to, or emulate. Thank you for being my supports, teachers, friends, advocates, and guiding lights.
- To be continued….
A taste of sensory candy in my healing journey…
Lyrics excerpt from Anna Nalick- “Breathe (2 A.M.)”
2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer
Inside of me threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
‘Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them however you want to
But you can’t jump the track
We’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe
And bonus round… Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam- “Just Breathe”
